Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Reasons I Shall Grow Up To Be That Crazy Cat Lady Who Lives in The Purple Victorian With the 200 Cats:

1) I already scare children. And Dogs.
2) I like cats, and can see how they could just multiply on you. They are cute! Just look at that photo!
3) I once had a job where I took care of a house and its 14 cats. No problem!
4) Went to do the dishes just now: Sink was full of Cocktail Shaker, Wicked Sharp Knives, and Catfood tins and lids. And this was several days worth of dishes.
5) Can read a mean Tarot Card spread. (Tarot Deck of Choice: Tarot of the Cat People.)
6) Astrological Sign: Leo.
7) Hobby: Knitting. Lots of balls of wool about for cats to play with. Secondary hobby: Wine!
8) Am working on a mane of wild grey hair. At this point hair more wild than grey, but working on it.
9) Used to be too much of a feminist to get married. Now I am just over the hill. And babies aren’t cute: They look like shrunken old bald men. And weddings are dreary affairs with bad dresses and bad cake.
10) Recently enjoy company of cat more than company of friends. Hmmmm. Probably not a good sign.
11) Able to scare off bachelors in record time, just by being uppity, weird, opinionated, aggressive, or showing them the above list.
12) Enjoyed that Cairo streets were overrun with cats. Feel a religion that worships cats makes perfect sense. Saw ONE rat while in Cairo: It was being pursued by twenty cats. Giggled with glee.
13) Come from weird family: Mom used to bark at neighborhood dogs to scare them away. Dad used to brandish rifles at neighborhood boys to scare them away. At one point in childhood, sister and I had 12 pets between the two of us. (Unfortunately, she erred on the side of Fowl.)
14) Often have whole long conversations with my cat. He is very opinionated and sarcastic, but tends towards whiny as he gets older. We disagree about Communism (He is black and white and red all over, and quotes “Mao” a lot).
15) Can dance wildly in the moonlight. Often do.
16) Can cook well. Have a book of secret recipes. Use strange herbs. Don’t yet own a cauldron (hmmm. Must get one) but sometimes cook in the fireplace. Own lots of wicked sharp knives and scary implements. Diners often report strange feelings and effects after eating my desserts.
17) Take on aspects of cats: Sleep a lot. Stretch a lot. Puurrrr. Often stretching leg over head. Distracted by bright shiny objects and yarn. Dislike fowl. Want constant attention and affection. Snobby.
18) Have been formulating this retirement plan for quite some time. Lots of people know about it, and almost all of them laugh and say, “Yeah! You will make a good crazy cat lady!” I take this as a compliment…right?
19) This list is growing…

1 comment:

Moon said...

Thats awesome! I love your list....
and I'll be the crazy dog lady in a creepy old white farm house down the road.